Chapter 1 - Part 3 of 3

Business Madness: Unraveling the Paradox of the People Puzzle (Power - People - Profits)                © 2006 Larry & Pat Nelson          Chapter 1 - Part 3 of 3

NOTE: If you haven't read Chapter 1 - Part 1 and 2 of "Business Madness" read it first. Check it out on the link in the right-hand column

Protecting Our Preferences - Deepest Desires and Dark Secrets

Let me go back to our deepest desires and dark secrets…not necessarily bad, but possibly embarrassing to us…to maybe a select group of people. I was giving a talk to a huge audience in California, sometime after Nixon left the Whitehouse. If you don’t recall (that’s not meant to be a pun), Nixon carried the electoral vote in California by a landslide. I asked this audience how many of them voted for Nixon. Only three hands went up out of hundreds of people in attendance. Come on, this wasn’t a democratic convention I was talking to, it was a group of business people.

In simple terms, this is what was happening. Hundreds of people in the audience didn’t want others around them to know they had voted for Nixon. The result was they placed a protective shield around their preferences at the time so their actual behavior would not be revealed. Remember, the preferences they were hiding are an example of a Stage Two activity which, in their minds allowed them to behave differently…not show their actual colors by not raising their hands. Some think it also helps prevent others from judging their true behavior now and in the future. This is probably easy to understand for many, yet others would argue that shielding of their true values by behaviors inconsistent with them is not an example of integrity.

That’s really another debate for another time. The point I’m trying to make, you really can’t tell a book by its cover and that is certainly true with people. It seems like a small and obvious point, but without the realization, we are lost at best with people and are subject to becoming a victim. Just when it seemed as that issue was solved, or at least understood, a bigger challenge is revealed.

Our values are not just big lump. There’s an active and ever changing ecosystem of what might look like a gazillion little molecules making up that one lump, or what our entire set of values is. Each value molecule (some might think of it as a nano particle) has its own target of vested interest. That interest or focus ranges from politics (sorry again), food, money, movies, products of all types, technology to the full range of topics we face in our lives. With all these value molecules, it’s easy to understand why some of us look like a walking contradiction of terms. We are complex beings, but we are going to get back to the basics and dig a little deeper.

We talked about the shield masking our preferences and attitudes so our behavior would hide or disguise our true preferences. Well, we complex human beings don’t just stop there. We frequently put another shield directly around our values for any one of a variety of reasons. The reasons for creating this shield around our values also vary. In most cases we are unaware and it’s not as if we have consciously decided we are going to build this wall around our values so we and others cannot see or understand them. There are instances when people will realize they don’t like what they see so they bury them with the expectation that they’ll deal with them later.

That can create a trap of self deception. You’ve heard it before, if you tell a lie long enough, you are apt to begin to believe it. People don’t change values by disguising them. Here’s the point I’m trying to make, people you are interacting with, don’t, number one necessarily know about the shield they have around their values, but number two, they generally realize they are shielding their preferences.

We should move onto another topic, but I want to point out that people have thousands of preferences on a ton of topics. Within one person, you might love, like or loathe anyone of their different attitudes and preferences. It’s not exactly a love-hate relationship, but it can feel that way at times. What you see isn’t necessarily what you will get. You might like and appreciate a person’s behavior relating to one issue and then be upset about something else on another issue.

That’s really where your value system kicks in. When their behavior hits one of your hot spots in a negative way, many of their other appreciated behaviors are displaced with your new and recently developed strong opinions. The masters of business and personal relationships will work on improving the situation and even help mitigate the shield. That’s if they think the person and that relationship is worth the effort and time investment. It could be a new way to win friends and influence others. You can help and facilitate a change in them, however they are in control.

We All Get Our Turn Being the Judge – Possibly an Integrity Issue

Here’s a quick overview of our needs and our values. Our needs are quite straight-forward, but our values are ever changing and in addition are constantly challenged by our changing environment. Don’t forget, we have an endless list of preferences that impact and determine our various behaviors. The major complication is that we often shield our preferences from others and we in turn, will shield our values from ourselves….not always, but at times. To top it off, everyone gets their turn to be the judge as we exhibit our behaviors. That can be very distressing except when we get our turn to put on the judge’s robe…or not.

Speaking of personal responsibility…we were you know. You have control (only you have this control) of your values, preferences and behavior. Yes, we all acknowledge there can be challenges. None-the-less, ask yourself, is your behavior consistent with your values? We will discuss integrity in another chapter, but here is a working definition. Integrity is when your behavior around others is consistent with your values.

Try this in the next 24 hours…this is a Business Madness assignment. Observe yourself in two or more situations. One being nice and comfortable (or just ordinary) and one that might at least be a touch more challenging. In each case, was your behavior consistent with your values? Don’t view this superficially, be tough, frank, and honest as well as being open to how you thought about and dealt with the challenges. Then, give yourself a hug, so we can keep up with the touchy-feely part. Come on, smile.

Next, we are going to tackle a tricky tool that can help you and others overcome some of the chinks in your armor as well as tap into assets which we call your Mental DNA. Many find it interesting after checking out their Mental DNA that they realized many of their shortcomings, but seldom understood their strengths. Without realization of their strengths they didn’t really capitalize on them. Don’t turn on the TV; you’ll love this next chapter, when we explore your Mental DNA.

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